The Funniest Jokes

100 year old man

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical:

– Doc, do you think I’ll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?

– That depends,” says the doctor. Do you smoke?

– No

– Do you drink?

– No

– Do you fool around with loose women?

– Of course not

– Well, then, why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?

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It’s alright

Two friends talking:

– Sorry man, I slept with your wife

– It’s ok, I sleep with her every ninght

 

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We’re all gonna die

– Doctor, I ate pizza with the expired date of consumption, what’ll happen to me, am I gonna die?

– Well everyone is going to die some day, you know….

– Oh my God! What have I done? Now we’re all gonna die!

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Happy Marriage

– Honey, both that journalist and the engineer proposed to our daughter!

– So who’s the lucky man?

– The engineer. Our daughter married the journalist

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Pick up line

– Hey girl, did anyone tell you that you look like Marilyn Monroe?

– Noooooooo!!!!

– That’s right! ’cause you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger

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NATO in Libya

In order to protect civilians from airstrikes NATO air forces have to gun down themselves

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At school

– Bobby, would you like to go to heaven?

– Yes Miss, but I really need to be going home after the classes

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Bandaged blonde

A blonde with bandaged arm and foot meets her friend.

– What happened to you?

– I was using a vacuum cleaner and it hit me in the arm

– But why is your foot bandaged?

– I kicked it back!

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Surfer

One shark to the other: Look at this surfer – he’s being served just like in a restaurant on a food-tray and with a napkin

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God doesn’t exist

“God doesn’t exist” – Karl Marx

“Karl Marx no longer exists” – God

Source : Funny Jokes

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