Good Non Veg Hindi Jokes

Some Santa-Banta & Majedar Chutkule

Wife To Husband: Agr Dunya Sirf 30 Minutes Me Khatam Ho Rahi Ho Tou Tum KIa Karna Chahoge….. ??

Husband: Offcourse “SEX”….!!!Wife: Aur Baqi 29 Minutes….. ….

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Santa comes bleeding.

Banta: What happened?

Santa: Jaggu hit me with hammer.

Banta: Didn’t u hv anything in ur hands?

Santa: I had. Banta: What? Santa: His wife’s boobs!

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Lecturer in a medical college class: Man’s semen contains glucose.

One of the female students had doubt and she asks: Then why it doesn’t taste sweet

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Thought for the happy life: Patni agar pati ko naukar samjhe to pati ko kya karna chahiye?

Zyada kuchh nahi… do char ghar aur pakad Lene chahiye!

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A Newly Married Couple Seeking Divorce…Judge asks Lady “Why do you want divorce?”

Lady: Despite Knowin That I’m Vegetarian, He Forces Ne To Put Meat In My Mouth!!”

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What do woman usually say after Sex?

I Luv U?

Wrong!

That was great?

Wrong again!

I Luv it?

Aray Nahi Yaar….

Sahi Jawab Hai: Suno Meri BRA PANTY Kaha Rakhi Hai………

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What is the height of poverty?……….

When a girl is ready to get fucked for only 2 rupees….

and you have only 1 rupee!!!!

Beta: Mummy Tum Roz Papa Pe Eharh ke Jump Kyu Marti Ho?

Mummy: PAPA Ke Pait Ki Hawa Nikalne K Liye

Beta: Kia Faida Baraber Wali Aunty Muun Se Phir Hawa Bhar Deti Hai…..

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Sardar: Gand Main Dard Hay

DR: Main Hath Dalta Hon Batana Kaha Hain

Sardar: Andar Aur Andar, Aor Andar , Han Yahain

Dr : BK Tera To Gala Kharab Hai

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If you want Suck the nipple of girl ,she always say why yours mother and sister r not living in ur home .u say yes but there is not child

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Life Without fun , Sky Without Sun , Ten without One , warrior Without Gun , Batsman without run, Is all Like a Man without LuN

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Advantages of breast milk?

  1. A) No need to boil.
  2. B) Cat can’t steal it.
  3. C) Available in attractive containers.
  4. D) Popular in all age groups.
  5. E) Ek Pee Ek Free

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Gabar se ronay ki wajah poochi…..usne kaha MAA ne danta hai…. MAA se poocha tau kehti hai…. MUJH SE POOCTA HAI KITNAY AADMI THAY..

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A 50 years old man during fucking an old woman of 90, starts suckung her breasts,after 10 min the man got died, police came and make postmartum report,in report it was written that the milk was xpired…..

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A bio teacher was telling her students that for the best penetrations 6-7″ PENIS IS best.

ONE OF THE GIRL ASKD HER tht wht abt 9″ .

Tsaid i m telling abt NECESSITY not .

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Man marries a deaf gal. he mimes, lets make a code! if i want sex i’ll squeeze ur breast, in responce u can pull my penis once for YES and 50 times for NO.

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ladki boli 200 loongi, HIL HIL k maza du gi…

ladka bola 100 doonga HIL mein khud lu ga..

ladki boli to phir ye 100 bhi bacha le aur hath se HILA le

Source : Hindi Jokes

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‘Joke’ n ‘SMS’

EK GUBBARE WAALE KI ….

Ek gubbare waale ki dukan ke bahar likha tha:

 

Agar apne bacche ko gubbara nahi dila sakte to waqt pe gubbara chadha liya karo….!!:O X_X

 

samjdaar bachche kaha gye ??

 

 

KID PAPPU APNI MAA S ….

 

Kid Pappu Apni Maa Se Puchta Hai: “Maa Mein Tumhari Shadi Ke Bad Hi Kyu Paida Hua?”

 

Maa: “Tumhe Bahar Aane Ka Rasta Nahi Malum Thha, Tumhare Dad Ne Khod Khod Kar Rasta Banaya“

 

 

AGAR NIP@LES KO HIND ….

Agar NIP@LES ko Hindi me

 

‘BUNDI’ kahete hai

 

To

 

B”BS ko kya kahenge?

 

BUNDI

 

Ke

 

LADDU

 

( ) ( )

 

 

EK BAAR EK AADMI BAN ….

Ek baar ek aadmi BANGKOK ja raha tha… uski wife ne… naa chaahte hue bhi use jaane ki permission de di.

 

Jis din wo ghar se nikal raha tha… jaate jaate usko wife ne bulaaya aur 12 condoms ka ek packet dekar boli: Jaanu, ise rakh lo, agar dil kare toh…”

 

Husband: Nahin darling, iski zaroorat nahin padegi.

 

Wife: Rakh bhi lo na jaanu, kahin mann ho gaya kuch karne ka toh ?

 

Aadmi khush ho jata hai aur sochta hai, “Waah kya biwi mili hai!”

 

Achaanak uski wife awaaz de kar usko phir bulati hai aur kehti hai, “Ruko, usmein se 2 mujhe de do… kahin mera mann ho gaya toh…”

 

BC Trip Cancelled…

KAHIN KAALE-GORE LAD ….

Kahin Kaale-Gore lad rahe hai to kahin Hindu-Musalman..

 

Kahin Israel-Gaza to kahin India-Pakistan..

 

Pyaar to Bhenchod sirf Blue Flims me hi reh gaya hai..

 

 

 

COLLEGE MEIN PAPPU A ….

College Mein Pappu Aur Uski Ek Friend Canteen Ke Bahar Bethe Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe

 

Pappu Ki Friend Ne Ahista Se Pappu Ko Bola

 

Ladki: “Main Apni Zindagi Mein Koi Lamba Hath Maarna Chahti Hoon”

 

Pappu Kameene Pan Se Bola: “Tum Sirf Hath Maaro Lamba Khud Hi Ho Jayega“

 

 

BOY: I WANT TO BE IN ….

Boy: I want to be in a relationship.

 

Girl: It’s okay but under one condition.

 

 

Boy: Which one ?

 

Girl : No sex, because I am preserving it for my future husband.

 

Boy: That’s okay, I also have my condition.

 

Girl: Which one ?

 

Boy: No using of my money because I am preserving it for my future wife!!!

 

Girl: Lo tum toh serious ho gaye… Arre I was kidding jaanu…

Source : Jokes in Hindi

Non Veg Hindi Jokes Whatsapp Jokes Of The Week

Dad : teri koi gf hai?

Me : nahi !! Kyu?

Dad : ya toh koi ladki pata le ya bathroom saaf kia

kar…!!!…

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Universal thoughts before picking phone when boss

calls :

Ab kya maa chud gayi iski ?

Gaand le rakhi hai isne ?

Ab kiski gaand mari gayi ?

Kal se le rakhi hai isne ?

Iss behenchod ko ghar par koi kaam nahi hai kya ?

Jab bhi daaru piyo iski maa to chudni hi hai ?

Issey chutti ke din bhi mrwani hoti h?

After picking phone :

“Haanji sir” !!…

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जिस भी कपल (couple ) को हंसते, मुस्कुराते बाते करते देखता हूँ , मन में बस एक ही ख्याल आता है..या तो बीबी ‘नई’ है…

या उसकी ‘नही’ है..

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इंसान का दिमाग 24 घंटे काम करता है

सिर्फ वह दो बार ही बंद हो जाता है

पहला exam के समय

और

दूसरा बीबी पसंद करते समय

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पति और पत्नि ये संसार की गाड़ी के दो पहिये है ….

इसमें का एक भी पहिया बिगड़ गया तो

संसार की गाड़ी चल नहीं सकती…

इसलिए…

.

.

.

 

 

बुद्धिमान लोग स्टेपनी रखते है !

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Ek Hi Song Mein Poori Age Dekhiye…

Naino Mein Sapna (Age 5 To 15)

Sapno Mein Sajna (Age 15 To 25)

Sajna Pe Dil Aa Geya (Age 25 To 35)

Kyon Sajna Pe Dil Aa Geya (Age 35 To 40)

Baaki Poori Age: Ta Thaiya Ta Thaiya Oooo…

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Pehle zamane Ki Ladkiya,

Puja Karke Soti Thi

Taaki Unhe Darr Na Lage..

.

.

.

.

.

.

21st Century Ki Ladkiya

Raat Ko Bhi Makeup Karke Soti He,

Taaki Doosro Ko Darr Na Lage.

 

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Dad : Kab sudhrega Nalayak!

Woh Verma Ji ki ladki ko dekh………

.

.

.

Beta : Kaha hain? Kidhar?

Mujhe toh boli ki Out of Town hu!

Ghar aa gayi?

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Me- papa aaj maine ₹ 5000 kamaye

Dad- great beta, but how?

Me- satta lagaya tha IPL match pe

Dad- harami kahan se seekha yeh sab

Me- IIN se

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Cat: “How old are u ??

.

.

Elephant: “5 yrs..

.

.

Cat: “U luk big..

.

.

Elephant: “i m a COMPLAN BOY

.

.

Cat: “i m 20 yrs

Elephant:” But u luk small

.

.

.

.

Cat: “PONDS MIRACLE,

BADHTI UMAR MANO THAM SI JAYE…!!

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Aajkal Ki Ladkiyo Me Jitna Attitude Bhara

Pada Hai

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Agar Utni Samjhdaari Bhari Hoto

Kabhi Break-up Nahi Hota

 

Source : Hindi Jokes

Diet Of Funny Jokes

Pappu Ki Badmashi Woh Bhi Teacher Ke Saath

Ek Class Me Lady Teacher Bachho ka Haunsla Badhane Ke Liye Ek Trick Khelti Hai

 

Lady Teacher: “Jin Baccho ne 1 Lesson Yaad kiya hai wo mere 1 Haath per Kiss kare”

 

Kuch Bacche Teacher ke Haath per Kiss karte hai.

 

Lady Teacher: “Jin Baccho ne 2 Lesson Yaad kiye hai woh mere Dono Gaal per kiss kare”

 

Kuch bacche teacher ke Gaal per kiss karte hai.

 

Tabhi Pappu bolta hai: “Miss, Bistar Bicha lo”

 

Lady Teacher: “Kyun????”

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Tujhe Pata Hai Main Kaun Hun?

Santa Train Mein Poori Seat Gher Ke Lata Hua Tha.

 

Ek Aadmi Aaya Aur Bola: “Bhai Thoda Seedha Ho Jaa, Mujhe Bhi Baithna Hai.”

 

Santa: “Tujhe Pata Hai Main Kaun Hun?”

 

Aadmi Darr Ke Dusri Jagah Baith Gaya.

 

Phir Ek Pahalwan Aaya Aur Bola: “Side Ho Chhotu Mujhe Baithna Hai.”

 

Santa: “Abe Oye, Tujhe Pata Hai Main Kaun Hun?”

 

Pahalwan Ne Santa Ko Gardan Se Pakad Ke Uthaya Aur Bola: “Haan Bol Kaun Hai Tu?”

 

Santa Rote Hue: “Bahi Ji Main Bimar Hu, 2 Din Se Tej Bukhar Hai.”

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Santa Banta Aur Mobile Ka Message

Santa Ne Banta Ko Hairan Hote Hue Bola.

 

Santa: “Yaar Aaj Mere Mobile Pe Ek Ajeeb Sa Mssg Aya Aur Mera Mobile Off Ho Gaya”

 

Banta Hairani Se: “Achha, Abe Aisa Konsa Mssg Hai?”

 

Santa: “Battery Low”

 

Banta Khush Hote Hue: “Abe Jaldi Se Mere Ko Forward Kar, Sabko Darayenge“

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I’ve Got Everything I Need

A Married Couple Is Driving Down The Highway Doing 80km/h. The Husband Is Behind The Wheel.

 

His Wife Looks Over At Him And Says: “Honey, I Know We’ve Been Married For 15 Years, But, I Want A Divorce”

 

The Husband Says Nothing But Slowly Increases Speed To 100km/h.

 

Wife Then Says: “I Don’t Want You To Try To Talk Me Out Of It, Because I’ve Been Having An Affair With Your Best Friend, And He’s A Better Lover Than You”

 

Again The Husband Stays Quiet And Just Speeds Up As His Anger Increases.

 

Wife: “I Want The House”

 

Again The Husband Speeds Up, And Now Is Doing 120km/h.

 

Wife: “I Want The Kids Too”

 

The Husband Just Keeps Driving Faster, And Faster, Now He’s Up To 140km/h.

 

Wife: “I Want The Car, The Checking Account, And All The Credit Cards Too”

 

The Husband Slowly Starts To Veer Toward A Bridge Overpass Piling, As She Says: “Is There Anything You Want?”

 

The Husband Says: “No, I’ve Got Everything I Need”

 

She Asks: “Really! What’s That?”

 

The Husband Replies Just Before They Hit The Wall At 200km/h: “I’ve Got The Airbag.“

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Girlfriend Pe Shayari

Kash! Tum Bakari Hoti,

 

Main Tum Ko Ghass Khilata,

 

Pyar Se Tumhare Seengh Pakadta,

 

Aur Puchta Pagal Kon?

 

Tum Ya Main?

 

Or Tum Pyar Se Bolti: “Main Main…”

 

Tab Main Khoob Jor-Jor Se Hasta…

Source : Hindi Jokes

WhatsApp Funny Jokes Hindi – वॉट्सअप जॉक्स

Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes

 

Ladka (Ladki se) : Tumhari Shirt fati hui hai.

Ladki : Tum nahi samjoge… Ye aaj-kal ka Fashion hai.

Ladka : Kya yar… ! Sala tum fado to fashion aur Hum fade to sidha Police Station.

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Boy (Girlfriend se) : Darling… tum muje kitna pyar karti ho ?

Girl : Jitna tum karte ho jaan…

.

Boy : Iska matlab ki tu bhi bas “Time Pass” hi karti hai.

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Girlfriend : Mere Janamdin ka girft kaha hai ?

Boyfriend : Wo sadak par Lal Rang ki Car dikh rahi hai kya..

.

Girlfriend kushi se chillane lagti hai..

.

Boyfriend : Bas usi color ki tere liye Lipstic laya hu.

Boy : Suno jara…!

Girl : Chup raho khate time bat nahi karte.

(Khane ke bad)

Girl : Ab bolo…

Boy : Teri Plate mein Cockroach tha. “Le… Ab ban Madam”

Ek khoobsurat Ladki se ek Ladke ne pucha – “Tum kaha raheti ho ?”

Girl – “Mein CG Road…”

Boy – “Itni khoobsurat hokar bhi Road par raheti ho, Mere ghar chalo.”

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Doctor and Dardi Jokes

 

Dardi (Doctor se) : Ab muje aapki davao se bahot hi accha hai. Bas thodi si aur sans ki taqlif hai.

.

.

.

Doctor : To thik hai… Aap kahete ho to use rokne ke liye bhi Davai de deta hu.

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Very Funny sad Jokes

 

Hum to aise hi baithe the pani mein patthar mar rahe the.

.

.

Achanak se Ek medhak nikla aur bola…

“Pani mein to aa sale, teri udasi utaru sale,

Apni vali ki chakkar mein meri vali ka Sar fod diya”

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Very Funny Wife Jokes

 

Chintu : Meri bivi mar gayi… Mein rona chahta tha… Par Anshu nikal hi nahi rahe the.

Fir muje ek dost ne kaha.

.

“Imagine she’s come back!”

.

Fir to pucho mat… “Kya roya mein”

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Chintu (Pintu se) : Tum dono ki jodi Raam aur Sita ki jodi jaisi hai.

.

Pintu : Kya yar… Raam Sita jaisi…

“Na to Sali ye Dharti mein samati hai, Aur na ise Rawan lekar jata hai.”Ek dukhi pati BABA ke pass gaya aur bola – “Meri Wife Do din se khamos hai.”

.

BABA – “To baccha mere pass kyu aaya hai, “Guinness Book of World Record” mein jao.Purani kahavat hai – “Sote samay Tension lekar nahi sona chaiye”

Ye jante hue bhi Log “Apni Bivi ke sath sote hai”

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Arj kiya hai – Funny Jokes

 

Arj kiya hai…

.

Jamane ke dar se teri tasvir Toilette mein chupa rakhi hai.

.

Wah wah…

.

Jamane ke dar se teri tasvir Toilette mein chupa rakhi hai.

Didar ho tera bar bar isliye “JULAAB” ki goli kha rakhi hai.

Source : Hindi Jokes

Shiney Ahuja Qne Liners

Q: Whats Shiney Ahuja’s fav song?

A: Maid in India!

 

Q: What kind of disorder does Shiney have ?

A: Bai-polar disorder

 

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja’s fav mode of transportation?

A: Bai-cycle

 

Q: What kind of food does shiney like?

A: Home Maid !

 

Q: Who is Shiney’s fav football player ?

A: Bai Chung Bhutia

 

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja’s fav subject?

A: Bai-ology

 

Q: In cricket, what way does Shiney get most of his runs from?

A: Leg-Bai-es.

 

Q: Which Song did Shiney sing with N’Sync

A: Bai Bai Bai !

 

Q: What is Shiney’s fav Enrique Iglesias song?

A: Bai-lamos

 

Shiney Ahuja took the ‘Where in Mumbai should you live’ Facebook quiz, it said he should live in the suburb of Bai-culla.

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja picked by the Ministry of External Affairs for a official foreign trip?

A: Because he is bai-lingual.

 

Q: What did Shiney Ahuja say to the police?

A: Let the bai-gones be bai-gones. Let me go home

 

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja rush into the doctors dispensary?

A: Because the doctors sign-board said Bai-pass surgeon.

 

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja shooed away by the guards outside a public event?

A: Because it said Bai-standers not allowed.

 

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja hop on Virar-express train ?

A: Because it stops at Bai-andar station.

 

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja want to be in the governing body of an organization?

A: Because he wanted to pass a new bai-law

 

Q: Why does shiney Ahuja like horror movies ?

A: Because he can see Bai-yanak scenes

 

Q: What type of code did Shiney Ahuja write when he was a programmer?

A: Bai-nari code

 

Q: Why does Shiney Ahuja like the Chinese?

A: Because he heard the slogan ‘Hindi-Cheeni bai-bai’

 

 

Source : Hindi Jokes

Hindi Naughty Jokes

Ek Ladki ne hoto par “India” ke tirange ka

rang laga rakha tha Ek ladka aaya aur hoto

par “kiss” kar gaya aur bola, “I LOVE MY INDIA”

 

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Santa : Aaj papa ne pitayi kar di

Banta : Kyun?

Santa : Meine to sirf itna pucha “KAMINE” film

dekhne chal rahe ho ya ghar pe hi “BLUE” film dekhoge

 

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Raat ke 3 baje santa ke number par phone

aaya – Hello yaha Fatima Mehfooz rehti hai kya?

Santa : Kutte itni raat ko Fatima mere paas

hoti to mehfooz rehti kya?

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Husband to Wife : Mein shaadi se pehle 20 auraton ke saath so chuka hoon.

 

Wife : Mujhe pata tha ki jab kundli mili hai to aadatein bhi zarur milti hogi!!!

 

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On first night after marriage

 

Wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.

 

Husband : I thinK because this is your first night.

 

Wife : No, no.. Actually it is first time in night…

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Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai.

 

Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!

 

Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena

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Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?

Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!

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Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the,

to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu,

so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!!

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Source : Hindi Jokes