Non Veg Hindi Jokes Whatsapp Jokes Of The Week

Dad : teri koi gf hai?

Me : nahi !! Kyu?

Dad : ya toh koi ladki pata le ya bathroom saaf kia

kar…!!!…

______________________________________________

 

Universal thoughts before picking phone when boss

calls :

Ab kya maa chud gayi iski ?

Gaand le rakhi hai isne ?

Ab kiski gaand mari gayi ?

Kal se le rakhi hai isne ?

Iss behenchod ko ghar par koi kaam nahi hai kya ?

Jab bhi daaru piyo iski maa to chudni hi hai ?

Issey chutti ke din bhi mrwani hoti h?

After picking phone :

“Haanji sir” !!…

______________________________________________

 

जिस भी कपल (couple ) को हंसते, मुस्कुराते बाते करते देखता हूँ , मन में बस एक ही ख्याल आता है..या तो बीबी ‘नई’ है…

या उसकी ‘नही’ है..

——————————————————-

 

इंसान का दिमाग 24 घंटे काम करता है

सिर्फ वह दो बार ही बंद हो जाता है

पहला exam के समय

और

दूसरा बीबी पसंद करते समय

——————————————————-

 

पति और पत्नि ये संसार की गाड़ी के दो पहिये है ….

इसमें का एक भी पहिया बिगड़ गया तो

संसार की गाड़ी चल नहीं सकती…

इसलिए…

.

.

.

 

 

बुद्धिमान लोग स्टेपनी रखते है !

——————————————————-

 

Ek Hi Song Mein Poori Age Dekhiye…

Naino Mein Sapna (Age 5 To 15)

Sapno Mein Sajna (Age 15 To 25)

Sajna Pe Dil Aa Geya (Age 25 To 35)

Kyon Sajna Pe Dil Aa Geya (Age 35 To 40)

Baaki Poori Age: Ta Thaiya Ta Thaiya Oooo…

——————————————————-

 

Pehle zamane Ki Ladkiya,

Puja Karke Soti Thi

Taaki Unhe Darr Na Lage..

.

.

.

.

.

.

21st Century Ki Ladkiya

Raat Ko Bhi Makeup Karke Soti He,

Taaki Doosro Ko Darr Na Lage.

 

——————————————————-

 

 

Dad : Kab sudhrega Nalayak!

Woh Verma Ji ki ladki ko dekh………

.

.

.

Beta : Kaha hain? Kidhar?

Mujhe toh boli ki Out of Town hu!

Ghar aa gayi?

——————————————————-

 

 

 

Me- papa aaj maine ₹ 5000 kamaye

Dad- great beta, but how?

Me- satta lagaya tha IPL match pe

Dad- harami kahan se seekha yeh sab

Me- IIN se

——————————————————-

 

 

Cat: “How old are u ??

.

.

Elephant: “5 yrs..

.

.

Cat: “U luk big..

.

.

Elephant: “i m a COMPLAN BOY

.

.

Cat: “i m 20 yrs

Elephant:” But u luk small

.

.

.

.

Cat: “PONDS MIRACLE,

BADHTI UMAR MANO THAM SI JAYE…!!

——————————————————-

 

 

Aajkal Ki Ladkiyo Me Jitna Attitude Bhara

Pada Hai

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Agar Utni Samjhdaari Bhari Hoto

Kabhi Break-up Nahi Hota

 

Source : Hindi Jokes

Diet Of Funny Jokes

Pappu Ki Badmashi Woh Bhi Teacher Ke Saath

Ek Class Me Lady Teacher Bachho ka Haunsla Badhane Ke Liye Ek Trick Khelti Hai

 

Lady Teacher: “Jin Baccho ne 1 Lesson Yaad kiya hai wo mere 1 Haath per Kiss kare”

 

Kuch Bacche Teacher ke Haath per Kiss karte hai.

 

Lady Teacher: “Jin Baccho ne 2 Lesson Yaad kiye hai woh mere Dono Gaal per kiss kare”

 

Kuch bacche teacher ke Gaal per kiss karte hai.

 

Tabhi Pappu bolta hai: “Miss, Bistar Bicha lo”

 

Lady Teacher: “Kyun????”

________________________________________________

 

Tujhe Pata Hai Main Kaun Hun?

Santa Train Mein Poori Seat Gher Ke Lata Hua Tha.

 

Ek Aadmi Aaya Aur Bola: “Bhai Thoda Seedha Ho Jaa, Mujhe Bhi Baithna Hai.”

 

Santa: “Tujhe Pata Hai Main Kaun Hun?”

 

Aadmi Darr Ke Dusri Jagah Baith Gaya.

 

Phir Ek Pahalwan Aaya Aur Bola: “Side Ho Chhotu Mujhe Baithna Hai.”

 

Santa: “Abe Oye, Tujhe Pata Hai Main Kaun Hun?”

 

Pahalwan Ne Santa Ko Gardan Se Pakad Ke Uthaya Aur Bola: “Haan Bol Kaun Hai Tu?”

 

Santa Rote Hue: “Bahi Ji Main Bimar Hu, 2 Din Se Tej Bukhar Hai.”

________________________________________________

 

Santa Banta Aur Mobile Ka Message

Santa Ne Banta Ko Hairan Hote Hue Bola.

 

Santa: “Yaar Aaj Mere Mobile Pe Ek Ajeeb Sa Mssg Aya Aur Mera Mobile Off Ho Gaya”

 

Banta Hairani Se: “Achha, Abe Aisa Konsa Mssg Hai?”

 

Santa: “Battery Low”

 

Banta Khush Hote Hue: “Abe Jaldi Se Mere Ko Forward Kar, Sabko Darayenge“

________________________________________________

 

 

I’ve Got Everything I Need

A Married Couple Is Driving Down The Highway Doing 80km/h. The Husband Is Behind The Wheel.

 

His Wife Looks Over At Him And Says: “Honey, I Know We’ve Been Married For 15 Years, But, I Want A Divorce”

 

The Husband Says Nothing But Slowly Increases Speed To 100km/h.

 

Wife Then Says: “I Don’t Want You To Try To Talk Me Out Of It, Because I’ve Been Having An Affair With Your Best Friend, And He’s A Better Lover Than You”

 

Again The Husband Stays Quiet And Just Speeds Up As His Anger Increases.

 

Wife: “I Want The House”

 

Again The Husband Speeds Up, And Now Is Doing 120km/h.

 

Wife: “I Want The Kids Too”

 

The Husband Just Keeps Driving Faster, And Faster, Now He’s Up To 140km/h.

 

Wife: “I Want The Car, The Checking Account, And All The Credit Cards Too”

 

The Husband Slowly Starts To Veer Toward A Bridge Overpass Piling, As She Says: “Is There Anything You Want?”

 

The Husband Says: “No, I’ve Got Everything I Need”

 

She Asks: “Really! What’s That?”

 

The Husband Replies Just Before They Hit The Wall At 200km/h: “I’ve Got The Airbag.“

________________________________________________

 

Girlfriend Pe Shayari

Kash! Tum Bakari Hoti,

 

Main Tum Ko Ghass Khilata,

 

Pyar Se Tumhare Seengh Pakadta,

 

Aur Puchta Pagal Kon?

 

Tum Ya Main?

 

Or Tum Pyar Se Bolti: “Main Main…”

 

Tab Main Khoob Jor-Jor Se Hasta…

Source : Hindi Jokes

WhatsApp Funny Jokes Hindi – वॉट्सअप जॉक्स

Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes

 

Ladka (Ladki se) : Tumhari Shirt fati hui hai.

Ladki : Tum nahi samjoge… Ye aaj-kal ka Fashion hai.

Ladka : Kya yar… ! Sala tum fado to fashion aur Hum fade to sidha Police Station.

**********************

 

 

Boy (Girlfriend se) : Darling… tum muje kitna pyar karti ho ?

Girl : Jitna tum karte ho jaan…

.

Boy : Iska matlab ki tu bhi bas “Time Pass” hi karti hai.

**********************

 

Girlfriend : Mere Janamdin ka girft kaha hai ?

Boyfriend : Wo sadak par Lal Rang ki Car dikh rahi hai kya..

.

Girlfriend kushi se chillane lagti hai..

.

Boyfriend : Bas usi color ki tere liye Lipstic laya hu.

Boy : Suno jara…!

Girl : Chup raho khate time bat nahi karte.

(Khane ke bad)

Girl : Ab bolo…

Boy : Teri Plate mein Cockroach tha. “Le… Ab ban Madam”

Ek khoobsurat Ladki se ek Ladke ne pucha – “Tum kaha raheti ho ?”

Girl – “Mein CG Road…”

Boy – “Itni khoobsurat hokar bhi Road par raheti ho, Mere ghar chalo.”

**********************

 

Doctor and Dardi Jokes

 

Dardi (Doctor se) : Ab muje aapki davao se bahot hi accha hai. Bas thodi si aur sans ki taqlif hai.

.

.

.

Doctor : To thik hai… Aap kahete ho to use rokne ke liye bhi Davai de deta hu.

**********************

 

 

Very Funny sad Jokes

 

Hum to aise hi baithe the pani mein patthar mar rahe the.

.

.

Achanak se Ek medhak nikla aur bola…

“Pani mein to aa sale, teri udasi utaru sale,

Apni vali ki chakkar mein meri vali ka Sar fod diya”

**********************

 

Very Funny Wife Jokes

 

Chintu : Meri bivi mar gayi… Mein rona chahta tha… Par Anshu nikal hi nahi rahe the.

Fir muje ek dost ne kaha.

.

“Imagine she’s come back!”

.

Fir to pucho mat… “Kya roya mein”

**********************

 

Chintu (Pintu se) : Tum dono ki jodi Raam aur Sita ki jodi jaisi hai.

.

Pintu : Kya yar… Raam Sita jaisi…

“Na to Sali ye Dharti mein samati hai, Aur na ise Rawan lekar jata hai.”Ek dukhi pati BABA ke pass gaya aur bola – “Meri Wife Do din se khamos hai.”

.

BABA – “To baccha mere pass kyu aaya hai, “Guinness Book of World Record” mein jao.Purani kahavat hai – “Sote samay Tension lekar nahi sona chaiye”

Ye jante hue bhi Log “Apni Bivi ke sath sote hai”

**********************

 

 

 

Arj kiya hai – Funny Jokes

 

Arj kiya hai…

.

Jamane ke dar se teri tasvir Toilette mein chupa rakhi hai.

.

Wah wah…

.

Jamane ke dar se teri tasvir Toilette mein chupa rakhi hai.

Didar ho tera bar bar isliye “JULAAB” ki goli kha rakhi hai.

Source : Hindi Jokes

Shiney Ahuja Qne Liners

Q: Whats Shiney Ahuja’s fav song?

A: Maid in India!

 

Q: What kind of disorder does Shiney have ?

A: Bai-polar disorder

 

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja’s fav mode of transportation?

A: Bai-cycle

 

Q: What kind of food does shiney like?

A: Home Maid !

 

Q: Who is Shiney’s fav football player ?

A: Bai Chung Bhutia

 

Q: What is Shiney Ahuja’s fav subject?

A: Bai-ology

 

Q: In cricket, what way does Shiney get most of his runs from?

A: Leg-Bai-es.

 

Q: Which Song did Shiney sing with N’Sync

A: Bai Bai Bai !

 

Q: What is Shiney’s fav Enrique Iglesias song?

A: Bai-lamos

 

Shiney Ahuja took the ‘Where in Mumbai should you live’ Facebook quiz, it said he should live in the suburb of Bai-culla.

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja picked by the Ministry of External Affairs for a official foreign trip?

A: Because he is bai-lingual.

 

Q: What did Shiney Ahuja say to the police?

A: Let the bai-gones be bai-gones. Let me go home

 

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja rush into the doctors dispensary?

A: Because the doctors sign-board said Bai-pass surgeon.

 

Q: Why was Shiney Ahuja shooed away by the guards outside a public event?

A: Because it said Bai-standers not allowed.

 

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja hop on Virar-express train ?

A: Because it stops at Bai-andar station.

 

Q: Why did Shiney Ahuja want to be in the governing body of an organization?

A: Because he wanted to pass a new bai-law

 

Q: Why does shiney Ahuja like horror movies ?

A: Because he can see Bai-yanak scenes

 

Q: What type of code did Shiney Ahuja write when he was a programmer?

A: Bai-nari code

 

Q: Why does Shiney Ahuja like the Chinese?

A: Because he heard the slogan ‘Hindi-Cheeni bai-bai’

 

 

Source : Hindi Jokes

Hindi Naughty Jokes

Ek Ladki ne hoto par “India” ke tirange ka

rang laga rakha tha Ek ladka aaya aur hoto

par “kiss” kar gaya aur bola, “I LOVE MY INDIA”

 

________________________________________________

 

Santa : Aaj papa ne pitayi kar di

Banta : Kyun?

Santa : Meine to sirf itna pucha “KAMINE” film

dekhne chal rahe ho ya ghar pe hi “BLUE” film dekhoge

 

________________________________________________

 

 

Raat ke 3 baje santa ke number par phone

aaya – Hello yaha Fatima Mehfooz rehti hai kya?

Santa : Kutte itni raat ko Fatima mere paas

hoti to mehfooz rehti kya?

________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Husband to Wife : Mein shaadi se pehle 20 auraton ke saath so chuka hoon.

 

Wife : Mujhe pata tha ki jab kundli mili hai to aadatein bhi zarur milti hogi!!!

 

________________________________________________

 

 

On first night after marriage

 

Wife : Mujhe ghabrahat ho rahi hai.

 

Husband : I thinK because this is your first night.

 

Wife : No, no.. Actually it is first time in night…

________________________________________________

 

Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai.

 

Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!

 

Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena

________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?

Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!

________________________________________________

 

Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the,

to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu,

so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!!

________________________________________________

 

Source : Hindi Jokes

Non Veg Jokes

Non veg hindi jokes

FRESH UPDATED JOKES

 

 

motu-bhabhi ak gilas dudh dena. bhabhi-bilauch kar le lo.pio

motu:-ma kasam dudh maga to ye hal hai, agar pani mangta to kya hota.

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

1pagal. 1khali paper ko bar-2 choom rha ta

2nd pagal ye kya hai?

1pagal -love letter hai.

2pagal-magar ye to khali hai

1pagal – aajkal bolchal band hai.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Larki jub saray kapray utaar laiti hay to kia hota hay? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

 

Taar khali ho jati hay. Yaar kabhi to +ve socha karo… 😉

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

GIRL: Jaano Meray mun mai Daalo, main Choson gi

BOY: Nahi nahi tum kha Gai toh main Kiya Karon ga?

GIRL: Tum Tum Doosri Icecream Le Lena!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘Pehly hath mein lo Phir mou me lo Phir thook lagao Phir seedha kero Or andar ghusao KITNA MUSHKIL KAAM HY SUI ME DHAGA DALNA

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

‘Sardar darakht pe ulta latka hua tha..

Dost:Tu darakht p Q latka hai?

Sardar:Yar sir dard ki goli khai thi kahin pet mein na chali jaye.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

Rah chalti ladki ko dekh kar ladka shayari ke andaz mein bola

Ladka: Kash main tumhare hasen honton ki lip-stick hota

Ladki Ne huste hue jawab diye

Ladki: Shukar karo nahi ho warna roz kisi ke lu*d pe lage hotey.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

Marij: Dr.sahib mera khada nahi hota.

Dr.: Ru married? NO

Dr.: Do u have girlfriend? NO

Dr.: Muth marte ho? NO

To BC khada karke dolu taangega kya!

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

Shadi ki pehli raat shohar apni biwi se:

Begam Ejazat hai?

Biwi: Ji Ejazat hai.

Shohar ne subah tak kar kar bura haal kar diya.

Biwi bimar ho gayi

Shohar usko sasural chodhne gaya,

Wapis aane laga toh apne saas & sasur se bola:

Achha Ji, Ejazat hai?

Bv chillaai: Papa Ejazat mat dena

MAA CH*D dega !

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

 

 

Sunny leone in Master Chef:

Aaj main Aapko: Kele ka Kofta banana sikhati hoon.

Sabse pehle 1 saaf mota Kela lein.

Agar lene mein maza aa raha hai to lete rahein..

Kofte ki Maa ka Bhos*a.. fir kabhi ban jayega!

Source : Hindi Jokes

Cool Jokes Collection

1 – मालिक: तुम बाथरूम में क्यू घुस आए, क्या तुम्हे पता नही था की मैं नहा रहा हूँ?

नौकर: हज़ूर ग़लती हो गयी, में समझा था बेगम साहिबा है.

_____________________________________________

2 – टीचर: सच ओर वहम में क्या फ़र्क़ है ?

स्टूडेंट: आप जो हमें पढ़ा रही हैं वो सच है, लेकिन हम सब पढ़ रहे हैं ये आपका वहम है……..

_____________________________________________

3- लड़का: माँ, आज मेरा दोस्त घर आ रहा है….

घर के सब खिलोने छिपा दे.

माँ: तेरा दोस्त चोर है क्या?

लड़का: नहीं, वो अपने खिलोने पहेचान लेगा !

_____________________________________________

4- एक छोटा बच्चा बहुत देर से घर के बाहर खड़ा दरवाजे की घंटी बजाने की कॉसिश कर रहा था.तो एक बूढ़ा आदमी आया और कहा:

बूढ़ा आदमी: क्या कर रहे हो बेटा?

बच्चा: अंकल, यह घंटी बजाना चाहता हूँ.

बूढ़ा आदमी (घंटी बजi के): यह लो बज गया, अब क्या है?

बच्चा: अब भागो!

_____________________________________________

 

5- कस्टमर: मुझे फोन पेर धमकिया मिल रही है.

पोलीस: कौन है वो जो आपको धमकिया दे रहा है?

कस्टमर: टेलिफोन वाले बोलते है के, “बिल नही भरोगे तो काट देंगे.”

_____________________________________________

6 – लोग कहते हैं की खुदा ने आपको बड़ी फ़ुर्सत में बनाया है…

ठीक ही कहते हैं, फालतू काम फ़ुर्सत में ही तो किए जाते हैं.

_____________________________________________

7 – जो तुमको हो पसंद वोही बात कहेंगे,

तुम दिन को अगर रात कहो तो रात कहेंगे,

क्यूंकी… … “पागलो से बहस नही की जा सकती”….

_____________________________________________

8 – बहू का फर्स्ट अफेयर सुनने के बाद ससुर ने बहू को मारा!

2न्ड अफेयर पता लगने पर पति ने मारा!

लेकिन सास हर बार चुप रही!

क्यूँ??

.

क्यूंकी सास भी कभी बहू थी!

_____________________________________________

9 – टीचर: उसने खुद खुशी कर ली, उससे खुद खुशी करनी पड़ी, डिफरेन्स बताओ.

स्टूडेंट: पहले वाला पढ़ा लिखा बेरोज़गार था, दूसरा शादी शुदा था.

_____________________________________________

 

10 – एक बार एक तोता उड़ रहा था फुल स्पीड पर.

उसके सामने अचानक फुल स्पीड में एक फरारी आ रही थी, दोनो की टक्कर हुई…

तोता बेहोश होगा या, रास्ते में एक भिकारी था उसने तोता को उठाया और घर ले गया.

उसको मरहम लगाया और पिंजरे में रख दिया.

जब तोता को होश आया, उसने अपने आप को पिंजरे में देखा.

और बोला, “आईला … जेल …. वो फरारी का ड्राइवर मर गया क्या ??

Source : Hindi Jokes